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Obituary: Lari the Seagull

By March 2, 2018No Comments

Lari the Seagull died on March 1st in Detroit Michigan at the ripe old age of 41.

Quite the specimen, Lari had a wingspan of 63 inches, above average compared to his peers. At the age of 34, Lari was involved in a midair collision fracturing a wing and ultimately losing a toe. This led to big life changes in diet and exercise, causing Lari to drop from a heavy 3.2lbs to a gaunt 2.5lbs. He enjoyed showing off his adult plumage and newly slimmed figure, while wooing the ladies with his impressive wingspan and powerful squawk.

Lari is survived by his longtime companion Ani and together they have 16 children who all still live at home in their Motown Caesar colony, where Lari served as Chief Flight Pattern Commissioner for 15 years. Family will be receiving visitors for light fare and flight show as a tribute as Lari’s memory. The family asks that any donations of food (dead or alive) be made to their neighborhood colony or when flying by your local bird sanctuary.

For more information on Lari and those lives that he touched, check out Stupid F*ing Bird, playing in the Studio Theatre at the Hilberry Theatre, March 1st – 31st. Please visit www.theatreanddanceatwayne.com for more information.